


(heaven can wait) we're only watching the skies

by doriians



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Gods & Goddesses, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Child Abuse, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, One Shot, Suicide Attempt, TAGS ARE IMPORTANT HERE !!, but - Freeform, i mean it's not technically discussed but yeah that's a thing, i think those are all the triggering things, n e ways i hope you enjoy, now for the other ones, okay that tag is a bit of a stretch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 11:01:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28812342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doriians/pseuds/doriians
Summary: Todd has the power to bring things back from the dead, but it's at the risk of his own life. However, sometimes the risks are worth it.
Relationships: Todd Anderson/Neil Perry
Comments: 6
Kudos: 31





	(heaven can wait) we're only watching the skies

**Author's Note:**

> if you didn't notice the tags here they are again!
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS: abuse ( child abuse ), suicide, suicide attempt, past suicide attempts, depression
> 
> please stay safe everyone !! i hope you enjoy ! i wrote this v quickly and it's 1am so im too lazy to edit so there's a lot of inconsistencies and no research and probably the same phrases repeated a million times probably uhh but i hope you like it anyway?
> 
> (also i was def inspired by https://archiveofourown.org/works/450869 check it out)

It was a perfect summer day, sky blue and clear of clouds. To anyone uninformed, the view of Todd Anderson and his father leading him by his hand in their large garden would believe they were a picturesque pair fit for stock images. Slowly, Mr Anderson led him to a low tree, where a bird had begun to make her nest. However, she now lay lifeless, hanging on the tree branch.

“Oh no, the mummy bird!” the tiny Todd Anderson exclaimed, running to the corpse of the bird. “Daddy, she’s dead!”

Mr Anderson grinned at his son with a wide smile which had too much teeth. “Not for long.”

Todd tilted his head, confused. “What do you mean, Daddy?”

“It means,” Mr Anderson began, crouching down to place his hand on Todd’s shoulder. “You’re a very special boy. Concentrate, and you can bring this bird back to life.”

“How?” Todd asked.

“Hold your hand out like this.” Mr Anderson said, demonstrating it with his own palm. “And think really hard about it. You can do it.”

Todd frowned, but then held his small palm out facing the bird, thinking about the birds he loved watching in the sky. He felt a hot energy leave his palm and enter the bird, who was now loudly squawking. 

“Ooh, that tickled!” Todd giggled.

Mr Anderson smiled. “You can keep him. Here.”

The man handed the boy a cage, and put the bird in there before locking the door. “This can be your pet now.”

Todd smiled slowly, then quickly ran inside the house, holding the bird cage up as his father watched from the garden. 

“Look, Jeffrey, look what I did!” Todd yelled, running through his bedroom door, clutching the bird and the cage in his hand.

Jeffrey smiled brightly back at him, sitting next to Todd on their bed. “What did you do?”

“I brought this bird back to life!” Todd said, giving Jeffrey the cage to hold in his lap.

Almost immediately, Jeffrey’s face dropped, and his voice lowered as he turned to Todd. “Todd, who taught you to do that?”

Confused, Todd frowned, but still grinning he pointed outside the window. “Daddy did! He- he said I’m special and now I can make dead things come to life!”

Jeffrey closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Todd, I know this is going to be hard, but you need to let the bird die again.”

“But I just made it alive again!” Todd protested, tears brimming on his eyes. “It’s a mummy bird! I can’t kill a mummy bird!”

“Todd, you need to. Just listen to me. Take your soul back.” Jeffrey said. “Now.”

Todd pouted, looking up at Jeffrey with the puppy eyes that usually worked, but this time, Jeffrey didn’t budge. He looked back at Todd with the same serious expression and then looked pointedly at the bird in the cage, chirping happily. Huffing, Todd closed his eyes and put his hands out in front of the bird, feeling the white-hot energy seep back into his hands. He heard the bird squawk loudly again, and by the time he opened his eyes, the bird had already fallen to the bottom of the cage, lifeless.

“Todd, you can’t do that again. Not now. Not ever. Do you understand?” Jeffrey said, taking the small child by the shoulders.

“But Daddy said I’m special and that I can do that!” Todd said, blubbering as he watched the unmoving bird in the cage.

Jeffrey sighed. “Daddy was right. You are very special. But you can’t do that ever again.”

“Why?” Todd asked, hugging the cage tightly.

“It’s hard to explain right now.” Jeffrey said. “But you will understand when you’re older, I promise.”

“But I don’t want to understand when I’m older! I want to understand now!” Todd said angrily, crossing his arms.

Jeffrey sighed again and shook his head. “Daddy was right, you are very special. Mummy and Daddy are also very, very special, but you are more special than either of them. The more you grow and do special things like that, the less special they get. Mummy and Daddy don’t like you being more special than them. What Daddy taught you was to give some of your specialness to the mummy bird. But when the mummy bird dies again, you will die as well.”

“But I don’t want to die!” Todd gasped. “Was- was Daddy trying to kill me?”

“He doesn’t matter.” Jeffrey quickly said, putting his arm around Todd. “What does matter is that whatever happens, you can’t do that again. No matter what Daddy or Mummy tells you to do, you have to promise me you will never do that. This time, you were very lucky. Next time, you may never get your specialness back.”

“And then I’ll die.” Todd said.

“No.” Jeffrey said. “You won’t. I won’t allow you to die, ever. But you cannot do that again. Do you understand me?”

Todd nodded. “I pinky promise I won’t do that again.”

Jeffrey smiled, and held his pinky out. The two brothers shook their pinkies together, and Jeffrey held Todd tightly, hugging his younger brother against his chest.

Todd let go of Jeffrey. “But- but what if Daddy hurts me and makes me give mummy birds their specialness?”

Jeffrey looked at Todd, and cupped his pink cheek in his hand. “Then I will fix you and make sure you don’t hurt.”

“Doctor Jeffrey.” Todd said, smiling.

“That’s right.” Jeffrey said. “And I will make sure you get all your injections!”

“No!” Todd yelled, giggling as he jumped out of the bed and sprinted out the bedroom. 

“Come back, you rascal!” Jeffrey shouted, chasing after Todd, breathless and smiling wide. 

* * *

That wasn’t the last time Mr Anderson made him bring something to life.

“Do it.” Mr Anderson said, teeth clenched as he pointed at the spider, squished and dying on the outside tiles, and looking directly at his teenage son. 

Todd shut his eyes tightly, holding his palm against the spider, expression faking exertion. He opened his eyes, and looked up at Mr Anderson avoiding his steely eyes. “I can’t do it, Dad. Sorry.”

Mr Anderson sighed again, acting like he was going to give up. Suddenly, he turned to Todd and held him up by the collar, bringing him eye to eye with his father. “Don’t play dumb, Todd. I know you can.”

He thudded Todd loudly on the ground. As soon as Todd managed to find his way up, Mr Anderson slapped him, the feeling hot and cold against Todd’s skin on the quiet evening. 

Todd shut his eyes again as he felt his father’s palm against his cheek again, thinking of Jeffrey and his words on that summer day.

_ Next time, you may never get your specialness back. _

He thought of it again and again as he felt it again and again and again and again and until it finally stopped, Todd hearing the clipped footsteps walk further and further away as his vision blurred and doubled, finally resting his head on the ice cold tiles.

* * *

One day, Todd packed his bags and left, walking further and further away from the hellhole, his backpack leaning against him as he stepped on the bus, everyone swiftly refusing to make eye contact with him. 

He was 18, fresh out of finishing school, with a bulge of stolen money in his pocket and only one pair set of clothes in his bag. 

The only regret he ever had was not leaving sooner. 

* * *

“Todd. Todd!”

Todd blinked and looked up to see one Charlie Dalton standing over him, leaning on his desk. He smiled wide at Todd.

“I just asked if you were going for drinks after.” Charlie said, then frowning when he saw Todd’s blank expression looking up at him. “Hey, are you okay?”

Todd nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

Charlie frowned again, and then a wave of realisation washed over him. “June 2nd. Of course.”

Todd nodded grimly, both of them knowing what the other was thinking.

June 2nd. Mr Anderson’s birthday. 

It’s almost been 9 years since Todd left home, and he hasn’t gone back since. Still, he thought he sometimes saw his father, a face in a large crowd, a shadow at the back of the room. Sometimes he would wake up from nightmares, the feeling of phantom fingers on his face still lingering when the morning came. 

Charlie had helped a lot with that. When Todd first arrived in the city, he was homeless, barely making enough money to sit in job interviews with clean clothes. Despite his lack of qualifications, Charlie took him in as the secretary, and offered him a room in his apartment. Todd had moved out 3 years ago, but Todd stayed in the job, and they were still close friends. When he was with Charlie, he was almost not scared of his father. Sometimes, he could even forget about him.

“You don’t have to go, you know.” Charlie said softly, a change in tone from his usual loud and brash voice.

Todd tried to smile at him. “No, it’s fine. I need a distraction today.”

Charlie nodded. “Okay. I’ll see you there at 5.”

“I’ll try to be on time.” Todd said, nodding and returning to his work. Charlie smiled again, then leant over and ruffled Todd’s hair before resuming his way out of the office.

Todd sighed again, looking up then shutting his eyes tightly.  _ He’s not here. He won’t hurt you. _

* * *

“Hey there, Toddykins!” Charlie exclaimed upon seeing Todd enter through the doors. “Right on time.”

Todd smiled at him. He knew he was 15 minutes late, but still, it was nice of Charlie to not draw attention to that. “Let me guess - my turn to be the designated driver?”

“Yep.” Charlie said, throwing his keys to him. “I’m getting wasted tonight.”

Todd rolled his eyes. “You know, you still have work tomorrow.”

“I know. Morning me will hate me, but night me doesn’t give a shit about anything.” Charlie said, grinning as he took another shot. 

Eventually, Charlie got lost in the crowd, and as protocol, by midnight, Todd had already tried to find him. He found him talking up a random man near the bar.

“And that’s when I said - I told you I could fit it in.”

The man laughed, taking another drink. Todd cleared his throat as he approached them. Drunk Charlie’s face brightened upon seeing him.

“Toddykins!” Charlie slurred, wrapping his arms around him. “I haven’t seen you in ages. Oh wait, is that Neil? Todd, this is Neil.”

“Hey,” the man said, taking his hand out for Todd to shake. “I’m Charlie’s old roommate from college.”

“Hey,” Todd replied, taking Neil’s hand. “I’m Charlie’s latest permanent roommate from like, three years ago.”

Neil laughed, throwing his head back and taking another sip of the drink. Todd couldn’t properly see in the technicolour lights and the half-darkness, but God, Neil was beautiful. He had perfect skin, dazzling eyes and a laugh that Todd could hear forever. Todd quickly tore his eyes away from Neil before he could say anything stupid. 

“Anyway, it’s midnight, and I promised sober you I would at least try to take you home by now, so let’s go.” Todd said, taking Charlie by the hand. “Can you walk?”

“Uh, yeah I can.” Charlie said, before tripping over himself and falling on the floor. He giggled from the ground. “Mostly.”

“Okay, Nuwanda.” Todd joked lightly, using an old nickname for him. He pulled Charlie up and allowed him to lean on his shoulder. “Let’s try to bring you to the car.”

“It was nice meeting you,” Neil said as Todd and Charlie stumbled away. 

Todd turned back and smiled back at the too-hot-to-be-real man. “Nice meeting you too, Neil. I’ll see you soon, hopefully?”

Neil chuckled quietly, then looked down. “Yeah, maybe.”

Todd smiled again, then returned to stumbling back to the carpark, reminding himself he was probably never going to see Neil again. 

* * *

“It’s fine, I can drive you home.” Charlie protested, words still slurring together as Todd parked in Charlie’s driveway. 

“No, you cannot.” Todd said. “I do not have a death wish or a jail wish for either of us.”

Charlie pouted. “You’re no fun.”

“You’ll thank me later.” Todd said. 

“I probably won’t remember this.” Charlie pointed out, as he stumbled up the steps to his front door. 

Todd tilted his head. “That’s probably true too. You good from here?”

Charlie looked at his front door, then proceeded to walk into it. 

“Obviously not.” Todd said, as he took out Charlie’s key from under a shoe. He made sure to drag Charlie all the way to his bedroom and made sure he was in his bed.

“Got your alarm for tomorrow?” Todd said. He set the alarm to 6. “Putting it a bit earlier so you have a bit of time to adjust in the morning.”

“I don’t want to wake up early!” Charlie whined.

“Whatever you say, Nuwanda.” Todd said. “Go to sleep now.”

“But it’s not even 1!” Charlie protested.

“Go to sleep, Dalton.” Todd repeated. “I’ll see you in the morning. Or afternoon. Whatever time you arrive at work.”

Charlie laughed and shut his eyes. Almost immediately, he was snoring.

Smiling, Todd turned and left, shutting the front door behind him. He sighed. Now all he had to figure out was how to get home. 

* * *

Todd woke up suddenly, then swore loudly in the empty carriage. Scrambling for his phone, he quickly checked the time. He had only had a nap for around 10 minutes, but he had already missed his stop. Great.

Eyes still blurry from waking up, Todd stumbled out of the carriage clumsily, then squinted at the station sign. He didn’t have night vision, but it didn’t take powers to figure out that he was back at the station he started in at the beginning of the night. Todd sighed. He was probably going to be late for work again, but when was he not?

He walked to the other side, then sighed when realising the next train wasn’t for 15 minutes. The station was completely empty. It was that time of the night when everyone was either still drinking, or had already managed to travel home. He looked down at the train tracks, then stopped.

A man. There was a man lying on the train tracks.

Todd’s heart began to race. By instinct, he wanted to jump down and get the man, but the other side of him was terrified out of his mind. Fighting back fear, he quickly went on the tracks and grabbed the corpse. Breathing heavily, Todd rested the lifeless body on the platform, then turned it over. His heart stopped as he saw the face.

_ Hey. I’m Charlie’s old roommate from college. _

It was Neil, Neil from before. Neil with the bright face and pretty smile, and the eyes that were so, so alive. Todd started to panic, and looked at his bare hands.

_ You’re special. Concentrate, and you can bring this bird back to life. You can do it. _

He knew he shouldn’t. Bringing someone back to life messed up the balance or whatever, and he was risking his life doing it, but this wasn’t a bird. This was an actual, real life human, who had people who loved him and cared about him, who was lying dead in front of him after being run over by a train going at 59 miles an hour. And who on Earth would he be, if he had a chance to bring this person back to life and he just left him there, for his family and his friends to find and mourn over? 

He looked around. The station was still empty. Not a single soul was there, the guards long gone and the people already on empty carriages. 

Taking a deep breath, he held his hand to Neil’s chest. Quickly, he felt the white-hot energy seep through his bones again and into Neil. Almost instantly, Todd could hear his heartbeat again, feeling it against his palm, and the injuries on Neil’s body quickly began to disappear, even his clothes beginning to clear of dirt. 

As if only waking from a deep sleep, Neil opened his eyes slowly. Todd looked back anxiously at Neil began to open his mouth.

“Charlie?” Neil whispered. “How did you find me again?”

Before Todd could reply, Neil closed his eyes again, drifting off into sleep. 

* * *

Todd sat on his chair, beginning to take deep breaths as the facts slowly overwhelmed him..

There was a man on his couch. Said man was sleeping on his couch. Said man was dead not even an hour ago, and said man was brought to life by Todd, who was not supposed to do that. 

Todd tried to wrap his head around the concept. The man on the couch, who he had only formally met last night, now had part of his soul to keep him breathing. 

Todd closed his eyes again, trying to make his heart slow down so he didn’t hyperventilate and have a panic attack. Slowly, his breathing became rhythmic and normal, and his heartbeat returned to an almost normal pace. He went to his bookshelf, opened the Yellow Pages, and flicked through it until he found a bookmarked number.

_ Dr Jeffrey Anderson _

_ +1 362 867 263 _

Fingers trembling, he dialed the number on his mobile, waiting for him to pick up. He then remembered it was almost 2 and it was highly unlikely his brother was awake, but suddenly, the ringing ended.

“Hello, Dr Anderson speaking.”

His voice sounded tired, but as clipped and articulate as Todd almost remembered. 

He would be lying if he said that he had fully forgiven Jeffrey, but as he was older, he definitely understood why Jeffrey left and never came back. Jeffrey was always his parents’ favourite, but that didn’t mean that he still remembered home as the hellhole that it was. 

He would also be lying if he fully blamed Jeffrey for how they had grown apart. He was 8 when Jeffrey left, but Jeffrey still sent letters every year for his birthday. If asked, Todd would say that he ripped them up and threw them all in the fire out of anger, but in truth, he did keep some of it. Sometimes, they were the only reason Todd kept living.

Todd had thought about calling him several times after he moved out, but he never seemed to find the right time or the right words to say. Still, that didn’t mean that he hadn’t got his number down somewhere, and he was still Todd’s emergency number. When he was younger, he was more of a father than his actual father. Todd would never forget him. 

“Hey.” Todd croaked back.

There was silence on the other side of the phone. Todd’s heart pounded in his chest, waiting for him to hang up. 

“Todd?” 

Todd laughed, fighting the tears in his eyes. “Hello, Jeffrey.”

Jeffrey laughed on the other side as well. Todd thought he heard tears and tissues. “It’s been a while.” 

“Felt like forever.” Todd whispered back.

Jeffrey laughed again, but stopped suddenly. Todd could hear him sink into a chair. “You did it, didn’t you?”

Todd nodded, but suddenly realised that Jeffrey couldn’t see him. “Yeah.”

Jeffrey sighed, defeated. “I understand. I knew it would happen.”

“What do you mean?” Todd asked.

“I mean, of course it would happen.” Jeffrey responded. “I’m a doctor. The amount of times I wish I could have brought someone to life… I couldn’t count on my hands. Just as long as it’s not a bird, yeah?”

Todd choked out a laugh, tears definitely coming now. “No, he’s not a bird. He’s - a friend of a friend. I found him… I couldn’t just leave him. I just couldn’t.”

“Yeah.” Jeffrey said. “Make sure you don’t.” 

“I won’t.” Todd promised.

The brothers paused for a minute.

“Anyway, it’s 2 so I’m going to go to sleep. And you should too, you know.” Jeffrey reminded Todd.

“Yeah,” Todd said. “Good night, Jeffrey.”

Todd heard the soft clicking of hanging up before he sank onto his bed again. He would not let Neil get out of his sight. He promised.

* * *

_ Beep. Beep. Beep. _

“Fuck!” Todd exclaimed. He stopped the alarm from ringing quickly, slamming it down. 

He held his hand against his head. What happened last night? Was it a dream, or did it actually happen? He looked down at himself, seeing he was still wearing the same clothes he wore to get drinks with, and noticed that the light was on. 

“Only one way to find out.” Todd said to himself, then opened the door to see all the living room lights turned on and a man making some breakfast in the kitchen.

_ Fuck, it was real. _

“Good morning.” Todd said.

The man jumped slightly, then smiled at Todd. “Morning. Just making breakfast for us.”

“You don’t have to.” Todd quickly said.

Neil blinked. “Of course I do. It’s the least I can do for last night.”

“Right.” Todd replied, nodding. He paused for a while. “How much do you remember from last night?”

“Enough.” Neil said shortly.

“Okay.” Todd responded, sitting down on the chair.

“I think.” Neil said. “What did happen last night?”

Todd cleared his throat. “Well, I fell asleep on the train and I missed my stop, so I had to get off to come back home. I found you sleeping on the train tracks, so I went down and got you.”

“Oh.” Neil responded quietly. “Just sleeping? I mean, that makes sense, but are you sure?”

Todd looked at Neil directly in the eye. “I’m certain.”

Neil frowned, then nodded again, returning to the eggs. Todd sat up straighter as he realised why Neil was so doubtful.

_ He remembers dying.  _

Neil must’ve caught Todd’s worried expression, because he quickly cleared his throat and smiled at Todd. “You don’t need to worry. I just had a bit too much to drink and… yeah.”

“Something tells me that’s not entirely the truth.” Todd said before he could stop the words coming out of his mouth. Todd resisted the urge to clasp his hands in front of his mouth, completely mortified. Neil’s expression had frozen. Todd was about to apologise, before Neil chuckled sadly and nodded. 

“How’d you know?” Neil asked. “Did Charlie tell you?”

“No.” Todd quickly said. “You just- you asked me if I was Charlie. And how I found you. Again. Last night, I mean. You probably don’t remember. I’m sorry for asking, that was completely out of the question. I shouldn’t have pushed.”

Neil shrugged. “It’s fine. You saved my life, you deserve to know some things. It’s the least I can do for you.”

“You really don’t have to do anything.” Todd said. “It’s just- I’ve been where you are. It’s not worth it.”

“I’ve been there too,” Neil replied. “Several times. I’ve been there again… and again, and again. It’s arguable if I’ve ever left. I wish I just-”

Neil sighed, placing the frying eggs on the empty plate next to him. 

Todd grimaced again. “I know how it feels. Really. Not in a relatable meme shit kind of way, or like a youth minister relating to depressed teenagers way, in a way, like, I’ve been there. And I don’t know if I can help, but I just want you to know that I’m here for you. Most of my life, I’ve felt so alone, and sometimes it helps knowing there’s people there, you know?” 

Todd thinks he said too much, and began to apologise and retract what he said, but Neil’s face split into a soft smile as he sat in the chair next to Todd, placing the eggs on the table.

“Yeah, it does.” Neil said. He chuckled. “I was alone for most of my life too. I have a pretty fucked up family and- it really messes you up. But then I found Charlie in college and… he saved my life. When I found him at the club on the day I was planning to do it, I thought that was fate. Somewhere inside of me, I still wanted someone to care for me. It’s so stupid.”

Todd placed a hand on Neil’s shoulder. “It’s not stupid.”

“Lately, I’ve been feeling so alone, you know.” Neil said, poking at eggs. “No Charlie, no no one… not even a consistent job. I’m an actor so it’s not great mostly.”

“You have me.” Todd replied, putting his hand on top of Neil’s. He smiled at Neil, trying to make his eyes soft. 

“Yeah,” Neil replied, with a laugh. “I guess I do.”

* * *

Somehow, they accidentally found making breakfast for each other a sort of tradition.

Neil was over at Todd’s almost every night now. Sometimes, they would play card games. Other times, they would sit down and just talk about life until three in the morning. They almost always put a movie on, watching it until their eyes got lazy and the first one to wake up would make breakfast for the other. 

For a while, they’re so close yet so far, almost afraid to touch each other. Todd still remembers the first time he leant on Neil’s shoulder. They were watching IT, and Todd almost slammed his head against Neil so his anxiety wouldn’t kick in before nothing happened. To his surprise, Neil responded by putting his arms around him and leaning closer as they watched the movie close together. One thing led to another, and soon they’re cuddling on the couch every night, watching shitty horror movies and feeling each other’s heartbeats during the jumpscares. Neil easily teased Todd, and the way he gets scared easily. 

Often, they would wake up on top of each other, tangled in limbs and blankets and pillows. Sometimes, Todd pretended to sleep so he could be next to Neil for just a few moments longer. 

One day, Neil turned up at work. 

“Hey.” Neil said, breaking Todd’s stream of concentration. 

Todd quickly looked up, and broke into a wide smile. “Neil! What are you doing here?”

“Well, you can kick me out if you want,” Neil replied, “but you were going on about a sweater you lost? I found it in my drawer for some reason.”

“What the fuck,” Todd said, holding the brown jumper up. He folded it up and put it on his desk. “You could’ve given it to me later, you know.”

“Yeah, but I was probably going to forget,” Neil pointed out. He put on a faux sweet voice. “Also, I missed seeing your face.”

“So sweet.” Todd said, face scrunched up, then relaxing it in a grin. “I’ll see you.”

“See you!” Neil said, turning to leave the office.

Todd smiled in satisfied silence for a while, before being interrupted by Charlie.

“Seriously?” Charlie said. “I can’t believe two of my ex roommates are getting it before me. Unbelievable.”

“We’re not!” Todd protested, “we’re just friends!”

Charlie gave him a look. “Shut the fuck up before I pour this way too hot cup of coffee on your face.”

Todd rolled his eyes. “Speaking of coffee, let’s talk about Knox the barista-”

“Oh, shut the fuck up.” Charlie snapped, but the light in his eyes was still smirking. He crunched on his biscuit. “I can’t believe I didn’t set you up sooner. You two are sickening together. I bet he kept the jumper just so it smelt like you or some shit. Gross.”

Todd threw a stapler at him.

Still, he would be lying if he said he saw Neil as just a friend at that point. Sometimes, Neil would look at him and his heart would absolutely melt, splashing into puddles below him. In the morning, he would wake to Neil humming or talking to himself in the kitchen, and Todd would bask in the sound of his voice. 

* * *

“Wait, the spirit was real?” Neil said lazily, scrolling through his laptop on Todd’s bedroom floor. “That’s insane.”

“Don’t say that!” Todd yelped, burying his face in the pillow in his lap.

“The meat flesh smell was real as well.” Neil noted.

Todd looked at him with an expression that told him to shut up, but that only encouraged Neil. They had just watched The Conjuring, and naturally, Todd was still absolutely terrified. 

“Carolyn was actually possessed?” Neil exclaimed. “And it floated as well? I thought that was for Hollywood.”

“I’m not sleeping tonight.” Todd muttered. 

“You’re so cute.” Neil said, pinching Todd’s cheeks. Todd stuck his tongue out at him, but Neil only gave a smug smirk back.

Before he even noticed, they were closer than they’ve ever been. Todd stared at Neil’s eyes, finally seeing it up close.

“It looks like a galaxy.” Todd muttered, so quietly he was sure no one heard him, but Neil leant closer, foreheads now touching. Soon, their lips linked together, Todd finding his hand in Neil’s hair, and Neil finding his fingers under Todd’s sweater. When he finally opened his eyes and let go, Neil giggled, high on happiness.

“That was good.” Neil said.

Todd nodded. “That was really good.”

And they kissed again, the second of many more.

* * *

“Here’s to six months of my dumb friends.”

Neil and Todd laughed and held up a glass. “To six months.”

Neil, Todd and Charlie all took a shot. Neil’s face twisted.

“God, that was strong.” Neil said, looking at the now-empty small glass cup.

“It so wasn’t,” Charlie teased. “You’re such a lightweight, Neil.”

“Neil probably gets hungover on champagne.” Todd joked.

Neil pouted, faking upset. “And now my boyfriend’s bullying me.”

Todd shoved Neil. “I think we know you’re the bully in the relationship.”

“You know, this one time in college,” Charlie began, pouring another cup for himself, “Neil overestimated how much he could drink before being wasted, and he got absolutely wasted. And by that, I mean-”

“Oh, Charlie, no.” Neil whined, hiding his face under his arms.

Charlie laughed loudly. “Neil did a lovely session of karaoke, then stripped almost completely, then cried on the stairs. I felt bad, but also it was hilarious.”

“I was called Karaoke Boy on campus for like a month. It was the worst.” Neil deadpanned, but Todd was almost hysterical with laughter.

“Are there tapes of that?” Todd joked.

“Sadly, no,” Charlie said. “Although, that’s probably for Neil’s benefit now.”

“Well, that’s my deepest darkest secret.” Neil said, shrugging as he leant back on the chair. “What’s yours, Todd?”

Todd thought about him and his powers, and the fact that he was quite literally the god of life. It was honestly an important part of his life, but also a secret part. Yet… he didn’t want to hide from Neil. Especially about an aspect of his life that brought them together. It was small, but also important to him.

“You there, Todd?” Charlie asked. “Deepest secret - go.”

Todd shrugged and tried to laugh naturally. “I don’t really have one.”

Neil rolled his eyes, “I’m sure you do. Come on. Your best friend and your boyfriend. What could go wrong?”

_ So many things. _

“I didn’t have a very interesting childhood. Or adulthood. Or life.” Todd said, trying to not sound uncomfortable. Luckily, Neil and Charlie only groaned in annoyance and sympathy.

“Okay, Anderson,” Neil joked. “Let’s dig some out of Charlie. I’m sure he has loads.”

“Oh, I have tons of embarrassing moments. I just own all of them instead of cowering in embarrassment like you guys.” Charlie replied, smirk plastered on his face.

Neil gasped. “Let’s play Never Have I Ever!”

Charlie snorted. “What is this, high school?”

“Scared?” Neil asked, pouring a cup of alcohol for himself.

Charlie threw his head back and laughed. “Never. But just saying- I’m going to get wasted.”

As expected, Charlie did drink the most, although Neil did take a shot at some surprising ones. Charlie was very happy to tell these stories, as most of them were witnessed by Charlie first hand as his roommate in college.

“Todd’s going to break up with me.” Neil protested as Charlie launched into another story. “He’s hardly taken a drink.”

Todd grabbed Neil’s hand under the table, and looked at Neil. “I love you, baby.”

Neil looked back at Todd, and quickly kissed his hand. “And I love you too, darling.”

“Will you two stop being affectionate?” Charlie protested. “I’m trying to embarrass Neil.”

Todd and Neil laughed, and leant forward to listen to Charlie’s story. The night lasted long, with several drinking games and some raunchy dance moves. They were going to regret this when they woke up tomorrow morning, but for now, everything was perfect.

* * *

For the first time, Todd woke up first. He turned over to see Neil lying next to him, deep in slumber. He shot up to kiss him lightly on the forehead, but was met with a splitting headache.

“Oh my fucking God.” Todd whispered, trying to not wake up Neil. With much struggle, Todd managed to put some clothes on and slowly walked to the kitchen where his phone somehow ended up during the night. 

He leant on his hand on the counter. He hadn’t forgotten about his dilemma last night. Without knowing who else to talk to, he dialed a number he had now memorised but had not called for more than six months. He waited for the phone to stop ringing before a crackly voice answered the phone.

“It’s been a while,” Jeffrey said.

“Yeah, sorry, I’ve been caught up in… life.” Todd said, words not as articulated as his brother.

Jeffrey chuckled. “Yeah, it’s fine, I get it. What’s up?”

Todd cleared his throat. “Just by chance, do you happen to live near Keating’s Cafe?”

“For a matter of fact, I do. Why?” Jeffrey asked.

“If you can, can we meet up? I really need to talk to someone.” Todd said, almost pleading on the phone.

“Yeah, I’m free. Are you okay?” Jeffrey said, voice suddenly dropping to concern.

“I’m fine.” Todd quickly said, fingers tapping on the counter. “I just… I need to talk to someone. I need to talk to you. Now.”

“I’ll be there as soon as possible,” Jeffrey replied, and hung up the phone.

Todd quickly grabbed his coat, and scrawled a note for Neil on a lone piece of paper he found on the table. 

_ Getting out to get some coffee. Be back soon xx _

* * *

Todd took a deep breath, watching his breath float in the air, then walked in the cafe. The owner, John, gave him a quick smile and wave, and Todd politely nodded. He then looked around for a familiar face in the cafe. His eyes trailed around to a man sitting on a two person table at the back of the cafe, and Todd’s heart dropped.

“Jeffrey.” Todd whispered, and quickly made his way over to him. Jeffrey noticed him walking there almost immediately, and stood up to hold Todd in a tight embrace,

“Todd.” Jeffrey said, voice soft as he held the smaller brother. After all these years, Jeffrey still looked the same, with the towering body and his familiar curly hair that nested on his head.

“I missed you so much.” Todd said, face squished against Jeffrey’s body.

“I missed you too.” Jeffrey replied, finally letting go to sit on the chair. “I’m sorry I left you.”

“No, don’t be sorry.” Todd said quickly. “I’m sorry for being late.”

“No, you organised this.” Jeffrey said. “By all accounts, I’m just early.”

Todd laughed, wiping the tears from his eye. “Fuck, you’re going to make me cry, Jeffrey.”

“Probably going to be a lot of tears today.” Jeffrey said. “It’s so good to see you properly after all these years. I should’ve reached out sooner, I was just- I was just so scared, of going back, of seeing that you’re angry at me, of ruining my new life, it’s-”

“It’s fine.” Todd said, holding Jeffrey’s hands tightly. “I totally get it. Everything- everything is forgiven now, okay?”

“Okay.” Jeffrey replied, laughing lightly. “Everything, forgiven. Got it.”

Todd smiled, and the two brothers sat in comfortable silence for a while.

“Did you want to tell me something?” Jeffrey asked.

Todd blinked. “Yes. Yes, I did. And I can only talk to you, because-”

“-it’s about your powers.” Jeffrey finished. “I kind of deduced.”

Todd nodded. “It’s- it’s complicated. Well, no, not really. Basically, the boy I rose from the dead… I love him. He’s mine now. Not- not in a creepy way. I’m just- I love him so, so much.”

Jeffrey smiled gently. “He’s your first love?”

Todd shook his head. “No, but he’s the one. I just know it. We’ve been together for six months now, and during that time, it’s been so great. I love him so much, Jeffrey, I didn’t know I could love someone this much.”

Jeffrey nodded slowly. “And you want to tell him about your powers.”

“Yeah, I mean-” Todd paused, then wiped another tear. “I- I mean it’s been such a b-big part of my life, with- with Dad and all that, and it’s just- he-he-he deserves to know. B-but I don’t know how.”

“Hey,” Jeffrey said, getting up to hug Todd again. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”

“I’m scared he will hate me, or break up with me, but I want to tell him. I need to tell him.” Todd blubbered, burying his face into Jeffrey’s chest.

“Todd.” Jeffrey said, putting his hand on Todd’s shoulder to look into his eyes. “Do you think he’s the one?”

“Yes.”

“Do you trust him?”

“Maybe, but-”

“Has he ever judged you, or turned against you before?”

“No. Never.”

“And Todd,” Jeffrey said, holding Todd’s face in his hands. “Do you love him? Do you really love him?”

“Yes. Always.” Todd whispered.

Jeffrey smiled and let go of Todd. “Then you know what to do.”

* * *

Todd took out the key of his flat, and slowly opened the door. He was greeted by Neil rushing to the door, hugging him with one hand as he held an ice pack on his head.

“Hey there.” Neil said. “You good?”

Todd smiled at him. “Yeah. I’m- I’m good.”

Neil frowned slightly. “You sure? Because you look a little on edge.”

Todd nodded. “I need to tell you something.”

Neil’s face immediately dropped. “Did I do something?”

Todd shook his head and sat down on the couch. “It’s not bad or to do with you. It’s about me.”

Neil sank on the chair opposite Todd. “You’re not going to tell me you’re pregnant, right?”

Todd laughed, then shook his head. “I assure you, Neil, I do not bear our child.”

Neil snorted. “Well, sometimes, it’s dark, and I’m drunk. I don’t know what I’m doing. But seriously. You want to tell me something, so I’m just going to sit and listen.”

Todd took a deep breath. “You need to promise me you will believe me. And that you won’t judge me, or be mad at me. Everything I’m about to say to you is true, no- no matter how fucking insane I sound, okay?”

Neil looked at Todd. “And you’re sure you’re not about to tell me you’re pregnant?”

“I’m sure.” Todd said, still laughing. “Just promise me.”

Neil took Todd’s hand. “Baby, I will never judge you. No matter what the fuck you do or say, I will trust you. You could probably murder someone and I’ll defend you. I’m that in love with you, okay? I promise you.”

Todd smiled slightly. “You don’t need to worry. I have not murdered someone. In fact, I have done the opposite.”

“Birthed someone? Still riding on this pregnant theory, by the way.” Neil said, then looked at the expression on Todd’s face. “Sorry, I’ll be quiet. Just- just talk.”

Todd took another deep breath. “Well, you know how fucked up my parents were, right?”

Neil nodded. “Yeah. And I fucking hate them. If they’ve done anything to you, I swear-”

“I’m safe. I’m fine now.” Todd assured Neil. “But they were more than that. This is going to sound insane, but they tried to hurt me because- well, I basically had powers, I guess.”

Neil frowned, but nodded slowly. “Okay. Go on.”

“My parents had powers, right. I mean, it’s complicated to explain, but they had powers. Then they had me. I had powers too, but me having powers actually drained their powers. Every time they hurt me, I would lose a bit of that power.” Todd explained.

“And- and what was that power? Was it like, energy?” Neil asked. “Or, like, an actual power. Like X-Men.”

Todd chuckled. “I mean- I guess like X-Men. Me, anyway. Some people don’t have powers. But I don’t want to overwhelm you too much, so yeah. Like X-Men.”

“And what was your power?” Neil said.

Todd looked at Neil. “Bringing living things back to life.”

Neil nodded slowly. “Okay.”

“But every time I would bring, like, a bird back to life, I would be connecting my soul and the bird’s soul. So when that bird would die, I would die too, or be severely weakened or sick.” Todd said. “Which I guess ensures that there is a balance in life, or something. The whole thing is really weird.”

“And that’s where I come in, right.” Neil said, eyes glossy. “Bringing things back to life.”

Todd looked away from Neil. “What do you mean?”

Neil smiled slightly, but his eyes remained emotionless. “That night you found me. I wasn’t sleeping. I was dead. And you brought me back to life.”

Todd blinked, then nodded. “Yeah. Basically. I’m- yeah.”

Neil laughed softly. “Weirdly, I think I already knew.”

“What do you mean?” Todd asked.

“I mean, because I planned that for a while.” Neil said, avoiding eye contact with Todd and playing with his fingers. “I planned to go on the tracks at the right time so a train would hit me and- and the memory of being hit and then darkness was so vivid, but when I opened my eyes and I saw you, it felt different. And we hadn’t even met, but I felt like I knew you already. Which is partly why I thought you were Charlie.”

Todd nodded. “I’m sorry.”

Neil blinked. “Why?”

Todd shrugged. “I don’t even know. I feel like- I don’t know. Just when I saw you, this overwhelming sense of determination to bring you to life washed over me. You have the right to be angry, but-”

“Angry?” Neil laughed. “Why would I be angry?”

Todd frowned in confusion, then laughed along with Neil. “I- I don’t know. You’ll judge me, you’ll hate me, you’ll get mad I didn’t tell you sooner-”

“Todd.” Neil said seriously. “I could never hate you. I will never judge you. And of course you didn’t tell me sooner! You- you have freaking powers! That’s fucking crazy! Of course I understand why you’re only just telling me! But I want you to know that you can trust me with anything. And I promise I will listen and not judge you and understand.”

Todd smiled, then felt the tears dripping down his face. “Oh god, not again. I’m too emotional for this shit.”

“Awh.” Neil said, hopping over to sit on the couch next to Todd and cuddling him tightly. “I love you, okay?”

“I love you too.” Todd said, in between tears.

“Besides, I think it’s kind of cute.” Neil said. 

“What?” Todd asked. “Bringing you back to life.”

“Exactly,” Neil said. “How many couples can say that’s their first meeting? Plus, you gave me some of your soul. Technically, I think that means we’re soulmates.”

Todd laughed. “I didn’t even think of it like that.”

“Well, then, it’s good you have me.” Neil said. “Your soulmate.”

Todd turned and wrapped his arm around Neil, kissing him again and again and again, as he memorised his lips and his body. 

He could live like this, he thinks. He could live like this forever.

_ fin. _

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> give me a follow @sendnuwandas on twitter ? also if you have any questions i'll be happy to answer them


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